I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
