I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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