I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
