im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
