Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
