it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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