i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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