I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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