we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
