The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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