I am puke
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
