I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
