I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
