My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize