walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
