did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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