Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
