Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
