It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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