who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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