I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
