dude i'm inner monologue high
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
