ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
