Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
