Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
