I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
