new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
