I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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