and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she looked like the before picture.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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