ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
