Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize