Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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