You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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