i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i think we sleep fucked last night...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
