Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
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