it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
