Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
3 2 1 whiskey
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
as a side note pls kill me
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