she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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