I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
