From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
