Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
