dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize