THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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