I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
