I just pynch a tree in the face
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
