Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
