Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
