I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
