i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
