Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
people are starting to question the shark bite story
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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