I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Soap is not a condiment
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
