In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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