and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
