Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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