Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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