so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Two words: nipple clamps
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