so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
