At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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