I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
