Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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