I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
