Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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