I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She bit a glass in half.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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