dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
