I bet he comes in French.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
