The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
