I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
