sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
