I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
