Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
