I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
