she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
