I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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