Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
